The Chase

I try so hard not to look as pathetic as I feel.

I am so excited! Everything is just falling perfectly into place. It’s amazing!

I just had a really horrible dream. I know it’s significant. I always have dreams that I can feel in my bones it means something. I wish I had a dream interpreter when things like this happen to me. When I actually do sleep and have a dream, I feel like someone is trying to tell me something.

Anyways, this dream made me feel so alone. It was depressing. I’m actually still affected by it even though I am awake. I dreamt that I went back to Montreat but I was alone. I would keep trying to get together with my old friends but they were all over the place and nothing was familiar anymore. The ones I did actually get back in touch with, were not for long. I even bought a playstation and beat a kid because he kept trying to ruin it. At the end of the thing, I was having lunch with my parents, crying  because of how horrible everything is. It’s so scarily weird because when I do go back to Montreat, everything is going to be different since I believed I wasn’t going back there. (Well, not really. Deep down inside I knew I was meant to be there.)  Either way, it just really worried and affected me in a way I can’t describe because seriously, those girls are my life. I even feel like I am missing something here at home. It’s so sad how I felt like I met my life-partners there. It’s even more sad that dreams where I lose them affect me as much as they have. :(

 

I don’t even know what to think anymore.