Oh how completely bored I am.
I wish I could be like Thornton Wilder and give a mystic significance to the smaller things in life.
What a nerd I have become.
I have been battling myself lately. I feel like I've been brainwashed.
I'm trying to decide whether I want to strengthen my relationship with God because I want to or because everyone else around me already has one. I feel like if I have that personal relationship with him, which is a unique characteristic of the Christian God, then I will have purpose in life. I will feel fulfilled instead of just... well... nothing. I feel like everything I do is for nothing. I mean, I guess in some people's eyes I'm doing something with my life. I'm in college, studying a subject I "love," and moving on. But am I really?
I wish I could think straight instead of ignoring that pain in my side and figure it all out.
I've always believed in God, I just never thought he had any control over my life. I always believed he was a "watchmaker." He made the world and now is watching it do whatever it does.
But in the Bible it talks of all these stories of how God communicated with us lowly humans.
But seriously, if those stories happened in our time, would you believe them?
If the Bible came about in our time instead of centuries ago, could you believe it was really happening?
Right now I am studying the Old Testament and it talks about how the People of God struggled following him since he freed them from Egypt. Well, the first generation, you're just stupid. He showed his own miracles and did many wondrous things right in front of you. But what if you were the later generations? The ones in Judah or Israel? The ones that never had a personal experience with God? Instead, only knows the rules of the culture surrounding them and the few words of a "prophet." I mean, today, if someone came up to you and told you to do everything against what our society believes because some mysterious being told him so, would you do it? I know I wouldn't. I'd call him crazy and put him in the looney bin.
One prophet, I think it was Isaiah (don't hold me to it), walked around the gates, completely naked talking of future comings. If you saw someone like that today, would you listen to him?
Like everyone says however, it's all faith. You have to BELIEVE the words of God are in the Bible. You have to have FAITH.
Is it so bad that I was brought up in a society where they only believed what they saw, and I followed them? These concepts are hard for me to grasp.
I'm not atheist or anything like that. I DO BELIEVE IN GOD. I just question things people around me don't. And I don't have anyone to talk to about it because NO ONE has the answers. It's all based on faith.
I kind of wish I had faith. Blind, ignorant faith.
Someone once asked me if I believed in God because I was afraid to go to hell or because I actually believed in him.
That's a serious question to ponder upon. I mean... really.
Of course you're going to be afraid to go to hell. I mean, it's hell. Should that be the only reason you follow God though?
Another question:
If God created and controls everything, why is there evil?
The answer they gave me says that God uses good and evil to do good works and accomplish good things. For some reason, that's not good enough for me.
How can Satan wage war for humans against God if God is all powerful?
What a conundrum my friends.
I'm not saying these things are wrong or someone should question what they believe in,
it's just things I question myself. I don't want to follow something blindly. I want to be educated.
These things intrigue me. I wish there was a serious job for this kind of stuff.
Mind you, I said serious.
Well, that's my boredom entry for you.
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