Sometimes when this place gets empty...

I really don't like having an empty house. It's weird nowadays having everyone "all grown up" and gone from home. Having Thanksgiving today made me realize how old I really am. It made me realize how much everything's not going to be the way it used to be. I remember how these days were FILLED with tons of people packed into little kitchens. Everyone shouting and having conversations. All the women gossiping and all the men watching TV. I miss it all. Thanksgiving will never be the same until I have my own big family. Trust me. I cannot wait until I have a family of my own. Now that this one has dissipated, I have to create my own. I just can't wait till I'm thirty, have a handle on bills and whatnot, have kids of all ages, and a husband who loves and supports me. That's when I will feel complete again.

I'm really glad my brother's friends/girlfriend came over. They gave me the amount of people to make me comfortable. We all played board games which was fun and it made it feel like home which it normally doesn't anymore. Thanksgiving dinner was really good, I just didn't like the way my dad was treating my mom. They fight too often nowadays. It really worries me and puts an even bigger rift in such a small company. It breaks my heart.

I just don't like everyone gone. It makes me sad. I miss Chris most of all. Definitely. He was like my 3rd half. A day filled with him and Wes made my life complete. I LOVED driving around town, blasting his gay techno music, and singing our hearts out. It didn't matter the destination, just driving around was fun to me. Plus, where ever you go with Chris, he makes it fun. He's the only one that got me and actually made fun of people in my league. Well actually, I had to keep up with him. Ahah. He was the only one that we could throw total bitch fits and the next minute just swallow it and move on to have fun. I made a playlist of songs that reminds me of him. It's sad, I know. I miss just being able to rant and rave to him when I'm mad and he understood and bitched with me. It really hurt that he thought I was just using him for a ride. It hurt because I knew how much I enjoyed his company but didn't have the guts to say anything. I really wish he was still here. He's in Philadelphia now though and I bet he's the happiest person. I'm happy for him. I guess just him not being here makes the house feel empty. Really empty. Just having him sit next to me watching TV made me not feel alone. And I miss his crazy ass friends he brought home. Kirkle was the cutest gay kid ever! Him and Chris together was the perfect couple ever. (Not in a gay way, a friend way) I mean, come on. We were born together. I've had him next to my side since the beginning of my time. It's hard to not have that comfort anymore. I might have complained about it in the beginning but now I have trouble going on without it. It hurts I miss him so much. :(

I guess I just feel really alone right now. I can't stand it. If you knew me at all, you would know I don't like feeling this way. It's hard for me to move on. I don't like change simply because of these feelings.

I wish Wes would call.